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First Steps

When someone dies there are so many emotions, so many things to do and it can be very difficult to focus on how to do things in the right way. Some things have to happen within a fairly tight time scale and the Funeral Director will be best equipped to help you through all the legalities. 

Click on any of these to go directly to the place on this page -

• How do I contact the Vicar?

• Where will the funeral take place?

• When will the funeral take place?

• Who will conduct the service?

• What will the service contain?

• A selection of prayers

• A selection of short readings

  How do I contact the Vicar?

Normally the Funeral Director will give the Vicar a contact name, address and phone number. It is the practice at the Abbey to try to make contact as soon as possible, but sometimes people are out, decide to go and stay with a friend or for various reasons contact cannot easily be made.

The Vicar may be contacted on 01743 232723 (Abbey Office) or vicar@shrewsburyabbey.com –

If you have not heard within 48 hours please contact him. Once contact is made it is the practice of the Vicar to make an appointment to come and see you if this is at all possible. Please feel free to ask anyone else to come to this meeting.

 - The Vicar tries to take Friday as a regular day off.

 Where will the funeral take place?

 This depends on your wishes. The immediate possibilities:

·       at the Abbey or St. Peter’s,

·       at Emstrey Crematorium   or -

·       at Longden Road Cemetery Chapel (Old Cemetery).

It is possible to have a full service at either church followed by a short committal at the Crematorium or Interment at the Cemetery. In the case of a full Church service followed by cremation some families decide not to go to the Crematorium.

Another way, less common in urban areas, is to have a ‘family’ cremation followed by an ‘open invitation’ memorial service in the Church. The benefit of this is friends and family can meet up with their guests at any refreshments immediately after the main service. In all instances the Funeral Director will agree times and places with the Vicar and with the family.

When will the funeral take place?

This can be quite difficult to arrange although in most cases it is not a complex matter. First of all no funeral can take place before all the relevant legalities are completed. Please follow the guidance of the Funeral Directors in this. Different Funeral Directors have different ways of arranging the times, but for the most part they will agree a time mutually convenient to the family, themselves and the Vicar.

Choosing a time at the Crematorium can sometimes be frustrating because there are only so many time-slots. If you really want a particular time it might be easier to have a service in the Church where there is less constraint on timing. 

Who will conduct the service?

Normally most services will be conducted by the Vicar. He is very open to sharing the leadership of the service with other people particularly where there is a ‘family’ connection. No service can be conducted in either Church or Churchyard without the express permission of the Vicar or the Churchwardens.

Unfortunately there are occasions when a family have very special reasons for choosing a particular time and day only to find the Vicar already has a prior appointment or is away. Where this is the case the Funeral Director and Vicar together will seek a minister to conduct the service for you. This minister will then deal with all the practical arrangements relating to the service.

What will the service contain?

Put simply, every single Funeral Service is different. Normally the Vicar will work on a standard framework which can then be adjusted to make the service personal. 

A service can contain some or all of the following:-

- Music, Prayer, Silence, Tributes, Poetry and Bible Readings. This list is not exhaustive. If in doubt, the Golden Rule is - keep it simple and dignified.

We shall have a look at some of these constituents:

Music: This can include something whilst going in at the beginning, something whilst leaving at the end, one or more hymns and possibly a reflective or personal piece of music during the service. Do be careful though of not making a service too long, especially at the Crematorium where there is a time factor.  When it comes to hymns the best policy is to choose one or two (or at most three) which are well known and sing-able. If you choose to use a pre recorded item please talk to the Funeral Director or Vicar about this as early as possible. The Crematorium has its own ‘piped’ music system.

Prayer: For some it will be right to have no more than one or two short prayers. There will always be a short time of quiet for people to say their own prayers, or simply reflect in silence. Normally prayers will end with the Lord’s Prayer using the traditional words. The Vicar is more than happy to share the leadership of this part of the service or to read out special prayers on behalf of the family.

Silence: It is always good to have a short time of quiet; if you would prefer a longer time of quiet reflection please talk to the Vicar.

Spoken Tributes: Please discuss this with the Vicar. It is quite common (but not an obligation) for someone, a friend, family or colleague, to say a few words at a Funeral Service. If someone would like to do this please liaise with the Vicar who can help you think through issues such as content and length. If you would really like to say something but feel you couldn’t stand up and say it yourself,  please consider writing something for the Vicar to say. Sadly, in most urban parishes, the Vicar will not know the deceased, either well or possibly at all. It can be very meaningful if someone who does know the deceased can help him with this part of the service. We recommend any ‘Tributes’ are written out in full – a good suggestion is no more than 1 side of A4 paper typed size 12 – then double-space it for ease of reading.

Readings: It is part of a Church of England service for there to be at least one reading from the Bible. If you have any ideas on this please discuss it with the Vicar. If you are not too sure about this the Vicar will be happy to choose and read a passage for you. In addition to this please feel free to ask the Vicar to include any other items of prose or poetry. Again, please remember how this will affect the overall length of the service.

All the above will be woven into the service to make it unique and personal.

Again, if in doubt, the Golden Rule is - keep it simple and dignified.

Service Sheets: These are becoming more popular, especially if you choose hymns from more than one book. They can also be a keepsake in your own ‘family archives’. They are not obligatory. The Vicar can arrange for these for a very small additional fee, or else talk to the Funeral Director.

Refreshments: It is a very common practice for the family to put on a ‘bit of a spread’ afterwards. If this is to be an open invitation to any mourner, please tell the Vicar who will be pleased to announce this at the service.

Collections: It is also a very common practice to take a collection in memory of the deceased to be donated to a charitable concern. Collections at the Crematorium or Cemeteries will be accounted to you by the Funeral Directors. Please remember however that any collection taken in either Church ‘technically’ belongs to the Church and you should discuss beforehand with the Vicar any wish for all or part of such a collection to be disbursed to a third party. If the recipient of the collection is to be the church or another registered charity it is well worth considering ‘Gift Aid’. Again, talk to the Vicar about this.

Fees: Unless agreement is made to the contrary the Statutory and Local Fees due to the Church will be paid to the Church by the Funeral Director who will invoice you accordingly. If you request another minister – for family or personal reasons – to lead the service, all Statutory Fees due to the Vicar and to the Parochial Church Council (PCC) will still need to be settled. 

 Numbers of Mourners: This can be very difficult to judge. It is useful however if you can advise the Vicar if you think the numbers will be a handful or a very large number as he will adjust the style and feel of the service accordingly. If you are expecting a large number, say 150 plus, please remember the Abbey Church has many more seats than either the Crematorium or the Cemetery Chapels. If you are unsure about numbers for the purpose of service sheets remember it is good to have one for each person, so please talk to the Funeral Director with your best estimate of numbers.

Children at Services: People of all ages are welcome. The Vicar works on the basis that a child old enough to say ‘nana’ is well old enough to come, but any decision on this rests with the parents. Please note both Churches do have toilets on site although at St. Peter’s these are available in the Church Hall.

Flowers: These are a very common part of the tribute. Sometimes people ask for ‘Family Flowers only’, other times it is right and proper to allow anyone to bring flowers. Please do think about what you might do with the flowers at the end of the service. Some people simply leave all the floral tributes at the Crematorium, others like to distribute them between family graves, hospitals, residential homes or ask for them to be displayed in the church. Flowers don’t last though, please talk to the Vicar if you would prefer a more permanent ‘memorial’.

Burial of Ashes at a later date:  This will be by arrangement between you, the Funeral Director and the Vicar.

Stone Memorials: These are subject to incredibly strict guidelines.  If you require a Stone Memorial Tablet at the Crematorium or at the Cemetery, please discuss this with the Funeral Director in the first instance.

Other tributes: In addition to the donations mentioned above some people like to think of something more permanent than flowers. At both Churches it is possible to donate towards things such as Pew Bibles which would be suitably inscribed and there are other things, both in the church and in the wider community, which might be considered as a much more lasting memorial than flowers - Again, talk to the Vicar about this

A Funeral will not be an easy time, but it should be a fitting tribute and quite properly a celebration of a life. 

Please feel free to discuss any matter about a Funeral Service with the Funeral Director or with me.

I hope this guide and the following prayers and readings have been of help.

 Booklet and text on the page above ©Paul Firmin 2011